I have about 700 people following me on Instagram. Most of the people I follow myself are fashion bloggers. My Instagram theme changes every once in a while, and the Instagrams I follow at that time are usually in the same style - I've loved high contrast, saturated colors with bright highlights before, I've liked soft, muted tones without contrast and lots of white a few years back, and I've been into vintage style, moody edits. Currently I see myself liking warm toned, vintage style, desaturated pics a lot.
Recently, I decided I'd step up my Instagram game. I was tired of my current editing style, so as always I ordered a book with my pics (using a website called Pastbook) so I could delete them without deleting the memories, and I deleted all the pics except for a few that I still believed to be ok until I have enough new pics on my feed. But this time I wanted to step up the game: I decided to make separate accounts for my dogs and food pics so I could focus on one thing, which would be fashion. I wasn't going to post poor quality pics like mirror outfit selfies anymore, no, I'd let my boyfriend be an Instagram husband (boyfriend) who'd be happy to take pics of me to show my outfit.
I can tell you; we did this twice, the first time we didn't have much time as I had a date later that day with one of my best friends and you can imagine it didn't go very well: the lighting outside was horrible and we didn't find a nice background in the surrounding streets. We were both disappointed as I left to meet up with my friend. The second time we took our time and we actually had a fun time taking some nice pictures with my camera on a square near to our then-home.
However to this day I still haven't published these pictures, as I didn't find the perfect editing style to my liking yet. I am so peculiar about things like this.
When we were in Portugal this week we took so many beautiful pictures with my phone and one day we decided to go and take some photos for an outfit post. The day before I had been disappointed when we only made time to take a pic when the sun had already set, so this time, we'd go for it. We went into the city and took pictures at several locations.
My boyfriend (who loves photography) and I both learnt a lesson that day. As much as we both love taking photos, we didn't enjoy ourselves. We were so annoyed at things like people walking into the shot, the background or lighting that weren't always perfect, and having to wait all the time (until people would go so I wouldn't feel awkward or looked at). We got back at the hotel, where we would get ready to go out for dinner and take some other pics, but somehow we felt drained and out of touch with ourselves. I had taken off my clothes and laid on the bed, exhausted and sweaty. We talked for a while, casual, random talk but still feeling weird, as if something was aching. When I went into the bathroom to freshen up, it felt like I'd seen the light.
Something about staged pictures, waiting until no one is around you in a busy touristy city, stressing but smiling for the camera felt completely off and wrong.
My boyfriend and I are both creative people who love aesthetics. We are both creators, designing and creating (architecture and music for him, writings and drawings for me), we curate our instagram content, we love photography, we enjoy great films, we like learning new ways to express ourselves and make our work better. Yet we are also very playful, down to earth people who like to live in the moment. When we are together we are in such a peaceful place, wherever we are. We have the most fun together, we laugh so hard I often feel light in my head, we are our absolute best selves together. The self you are when you are by yourself, the self you are when you were a kid and did everything you wanted to do without ever trying to capture that moment by taking a picture of it, and then ruining it.
'I didn't have fun today. I don't like doing this,' I told him. 'Me neither. I was thinking the same thing.'
'It's just not what I like doing. I don't even like being in pictures. I actually couldn't care less about taking pictures of my outfit, it feels staged, I feel horrible, I'm exhausted and it's terribly boring. I want to have fun with you', I said. He was happy I felt exactly the same, although he wasn't going to say it himself as he wanted me to be happy, and if I'd want to take pics, he'd join me so he could help me. But I didn't, and we were both so relieved realizing this.
We decided not to take any pictures anymore that night, and I wasn't even going to wear the outfit I'd wanted to wear as I couldn't walk in heels any longer after wearing heeled sandals in the sun all day, making my little toes hurt a little and my feet tired.
I don't like staging pictures. I don't want to be smiling in a photo while I'm feeling hot, bored and stressed because I had to wait and take the same pic over and over again to get it right. There's a reason why I never had a real fashion blog, and why I never had anything else than mirror pics of my outfits.
My friends aren't fashion bloggers either. My friends aren't even that into fashion. My friends are fun, straightforward, no nonsense and confident people, and we hardly ever talk about things like clothing brands or makeup. I do like styling my outfits, but it's only such a tiny part of me. And while focusing on that part, I feel like I'm neglecting all the other parts of my personality. It's why I decided to call my blog coconut and mint, so that I'd be able to talk about all the things I like, not just appearance.
I love so many more things. I admire so many artists, illustrators, writers, YouTubers. Most of my favourite artists have one thing in common, and that is: they're authentic, both able and willing to put their finger on anything most people aren't, and that is what makes their art touching - either in a sad or a happy way.
I still love fashion bloggers, but my admiration has changed into an appreciation of their pics and nothing more. While I used to wish I had an Instagram full of beautiful photos of me in my favourite outfits, I now know it's absolutely not for me. I want to be able to take my own pics, I don't feel the need to be in them most of the time, and I don't want to spend time with my boyfriend taking pics. I want to have fun. I want to live in the moment. I want to forget about my phone as I always do when I'm with him.
My favourite days this week I spent in the pool with him, swimming for hours and hours, diving for a silly yellow plastic stick. We would be in the pool until we were hungry, get out, eat, and get back in. Not one second have I thought about taking a picture while we were in the pool, I probably looked hilarious with the goggles pressed into my skin all day. I didn't think about it. I loved every minute of it and it's how I want to spend my life. Being silly, getting exhausted from being active all day, with him.
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| I'll stick with the occasional OOTD mirror pic |
